101. The One Where Monica Gets a New Roommate
[ Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are there.]
There's nothing to tell!
난 얘기할게 없다니까.
He's just some guy I work with!
그는 그냥 나랑 같이 일 하는 사람이야
C'mon, you're going out with the guy!
이봐, 너 그 녀석이랑 데이트 하잖아!
There's gotta be something wrong with him!
어디 좀 이상한 사람인게 분명하다구
So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece?
그 사람 혹이라도 달렸대냐? 아니면 가발 쓰구 다닌대니?
Wait, does he eat chalk?
혹시 분필 같은 거 먹는 사람이야?
Just, 'cause, I don't want her to go through what I went through with Carl- oh! ?
난 단지 모니카가, 내가 칼하고 겪었던 것 처럼 되지 않길 바랄 뿐이야
Okay, everybody relax?
모두 진정 좀 해 봐.
This is not even a date.
이건 데이트 축에도 못 껴
It's just two people going out to dinner and-
그냥 두 사람이 저녁 같이 한 거 뿐이야.
not having sex.
섹스도 안 했잖아.
Sounds like a date to me.?
나한텐 데이트처럼 들리는 걸
[ Time Lapse]
Alright, so I'm back in high school, I'm standing in the middle of the cafeteria,
좋아, 학교 때로 돌아가 보자. 난 식당 한가운데 서 있고,
and I realize I am totally naked.
알고보니 난 홀딱 벗고 서 있는거야.
Oh, yeah. Had that dream.
맞어, 그런 꿈 꾸지.
Then I look down, and I realize there's a phone...
그리고 아래를 내려다보면'거기에'전화가 있어
there.
거기에!
Instead of...?
That's right.
Never had that dream./No.
...뭐 대신에?
그렇지!
All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring.
그런데 갑자기 전화벨이 울리기 시작하고,
Now I don't know what to do, everybody starts looking at me.
내가 어쩔줄 몰라하고 있을 때
모든 사람들이 날 쳐다보기 시작해
And they weren't looking at you before?!
그 전까진 안 쳐다보고 있었을까?
Finally, I figure I'd better answer it,
결국엔 전화를 받는게 낫겠다고 생각하지만
and it turns out it's my mother,
그게 우리 엄마였어
which is very- very weird,
근데 진짜 신기한건
because- she never calls me!
엄만 나한테 절대 전화 안 하시거든
[ Time Lapse, Ross has entered.]
Hi.
안녕
This guy says hello, I wanna kill myself.
쟤가 인사하면 난 확 죽어버리고 싶드라.
Are you okay, sweetie?
좀 괜찮아?
I just feel like someone reached down my throat, grabbed my small intestine,
누가 내 목구멍으로 들어와 내 목젖을 잡고,
pulled it out of my mouth and tied it around my neck...
입 밖으로 끄집에 내서 내 목을 칭칭 감고 있는 것 같은 기분이야.
Cookie?
과자 좀 주련?
Carol moved her stuff out today.
캐롤이 오늘 짐 챙겨 가지고 떠났대.
Let me get you some coffee.
Thanks.
커피 좀 더 줄께.
고마워.
No, no don't! Stop cleansing my aura!
안돼, 하지마! 내 기 흐트러져!
No, just leave my aura alone, okay?
하지 말라구, 그냥 좀 내버려 둬
Fine! Be murky!
그래라 그럼
I'll be fine, alright? Really, everyone. I hope
she'll be very happy.
난 괜찮아, 됐지? 얘들아, 난 진짜
그녀가 행복해지길 바래.
No you don't.
No I don't, to hell with her, she left me!
아닐껄.
그래 아냐, 지옥에나 떨어져 버리라 그래
And you never knew she was a lesbian...
레즈비언이었던 것도 몰랐잖아
No!! Okay?!
그래, 몰랐다. 됐니?
Why does everyone keep fixating on that?
왜 모두들 그 부분에만 신경을 쓰지?
She didn't know, how should I know?
당사자도 몰랐다는데 나라고 별 수 있어?
Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian...
나도 가끔은 레즈비언이고 싶을 때가 있지
Did I say that out loud?
내가 너무 크게 얘기했니?
I told mom and dad last night,
they seemed to take it pretty well.
어젯밤에 부모님께 전화드렸는데
그런대로 잘 받아 들이시는 것 같아.
Oh really, so that hysterical phone call I got from a woman at sobbing 3:00 A.M.,
그래? 오늘 새벽 3시에 걸려온 전화는?
"I'll never have grandchildren, I'll never have grandchildren."
"손주 보긴 글렀다, 완전 글러 먹었다구."
was what? A wrong number?
그건 뭐였는데? 잘못 걸린 전화였나?
Sorry.
미안.
Alright Ross, look.
좋아, 로스.
You're feeling a lot of pain right now.
넌 지금 무척 고통스러워 하고 있어.
You're angry. You're hurting.
화도 나고 상심도 크겠지.
Can I tell you what the answer is?
해결책이 뭔지 알려 줄까?
Strip joint!
스트립 바에 가는거야!
C'mon, you're single! Have some hormones!
이봐 넌 이제 싱글이잖아. 그 왕성한 호르몬 뒀다 뭐 할래?
I don't want to be single, okay?
난 싱글이 싫어, 알겠니?
I just... I just- I just wanna be married again!
난... 난 그냥 다시 결혼하고 싶다구!
And I just want a million dollars!
난 차라리 돈이나 왕창 생겼음 좋겠다!
Rachel?!
Oh God Monica hi! Thank God!
레이첼?
세상에, 모니카. 안녕! 하나님 감사합니다!
I just went to your building and you weren't there and
나 지금 너네 집에 갔었는데 너 거기 없드라
then this guy with a big hammer said you might be here
and you are, you are!
근데 망치를 들고 있는 사람이 너가 여기
있을거라고 해서 와 봤는데, 진짜 있네!
Can I get you some coffee?
De-Caff
커피 좀 드릴까요?
카페인 없는 걸로
Okay, everybody, this is Rachel,
another Lincoln High survivor.
얘들아, 얜 레이첼이야.
같은 링컨 고등학교 출신이지.
This is everybody, this is Chandler, and Phoebe, and Joey, and-
여긴 내 친구들이야, 챈들러, 피비, 조이,
you remember my brother Ross?
그리고 우리 오빠 로스 기억하지?
Hi, sure!
Hi.
그럼, 안녕!
안녕.
(They go to hug but Ross's umbrella opens. He sits back down defeated again. A moment of silence follows as Rachel sits and the others expect her to explain.)
So you wanna tell us now,
자, 그럼 자초지종을 좀 들어 볼까.
or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids?
아님 들러리들 올 때까지 더 기다려줄까?
Oh God... well, it started about a half hour before the wedding.
세상에, 그러니까 결혼식 시작 30분 전에 일이 터졌어,
I was in the room where we were keeping all the presents,
난 선물을 모아둔 방에 있었는데,
and I was looking at this gravy boat.
거기서 그레비 소스 그릇을 정신 없이 보고 있었어.
This really gorgeous Lamauge gravy boat.
그건 정말 멋진 라마쥐 소스 그릇이었어
When all of a sudden-
근데 갑자기...
Sweet 'n' Lo?-
저칼로리 설탕 있어요?
Sweet 'n' Lo?-
내가 배리보다 이 소스 그릇에
정신을 더 뺏기고 있었다는 걸 알았지
And then I got really freaked out, and that's when it hit me:
how much Barry looks like Mr. Potato Head.
그리곤 배리가 미스터 포테이토의 머리하고
엄청 닮았다는 생각이 드는거야.
Y'know, I mean, I always knew looked familiar, but...
원래 익숙해 있었던 거지만...
Anyway, I just had to get out of there, and I started wondering
어쨌든, 난 거길 빠져 나올 수 밖에 없었어. 그리곤 생각했지.
'Why am I doing this, and who am I doing this for?'
'왜 내가 이 짓을 해야 되지? 누굴 위해서?'
So anyway I just didn't know where to go, and I know that you and I have kinda drifted apart,
난 어디로 가야할지 몰랐고, 너랑은 헤어진지 꽤 되었지만
but you're the only person I knew who lived here in the city.
내가 이 도시에서 아는 사람이라곤 너 뿐이잖아.
Who wasn't invited to the wedding.
결혼식에 초대도 안 해 놓구선
Ooh, I was kinda hoping that wouldn't be an issue...
그런 건 별 문제가 되지 않겠거니 했는데...
[ Scene: Monica's Apartment, everyone is there and watching a Spanish Soap on TV and are trying to figure out what is going on.]
Now I'm guessing that he bought her the big pipe organ,
and she's really not happy about it.
내 생각인데, 남자가 파이프 오르간을
사준게 맘에 안 들었나봐
Tuna or egg salad? Decide!
참치 샐러드냐 계란 샐러드냐, 그것이 문제로다!
I'll have whatever Christine is having.
난 크리스틴이 먹는 걸로 할꺼야.
Daddy, I just... I can't marry him!
아빠, 전 그냥...그 사람하고 결혼하기 싫어요
I'm sorry. I just don't love him.
미안해요. 사랑하지 않는데 어쩌겠어요
Well, it matters to me!
그건 저한테 중요한 문제라구요!
If I let go of my hair,
my head will fall off.
If I let go of my hair,
my head will fall off.
내 머리카락이 잘리면 난 차라리
내 머릴 잘라버릴꺼야
Ooh, she should not be wearing those pants.
저 바지 왜 입었다니?
I say push her down the stairs.
계단 밑으로 확 밀어 버려.
Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs!
계단으로 밀어! 계단으로 밀어! 계단으로 밀어!
C'mon Daddy, listen to me!
제발, 아빠. 제 말 좀 들어 주세요!
It's like, it's like, all of my life, everyone has always told me,
그건 모든 사람들이 저한테 말했듯이,
'You're a shoe! You're a shoe, you're a shoe, you're a shoe!'.
'넌 짚신 한 짝이야. 넌 짚신 한 짝이야'라고
그랬던 거랑 같은 거에요
And today I just stopped and I said, 'What if I don't wanna be a shoe?
오늘은 이렇게 말하겠어요 '내가 짚신 한 짝이 되기 싫다면?
What if I wanna be a- a purse, y'know? Or a- or a hat!
지갑이나 아니면 모자가 되고 싶다면?'
No, I'm not saying I want you to buy me a hat, I'm saying I am a ha-
모자 사달라는 말이 아니잖아요. 전 그냥 제가 모자...
It's a metaphor, Daddy!
비유법도 몰라요 아빠?!!
You can see where he'd have trouble.
아빠한테 무슨 문제가 있는지 알겠다.
Look Daddy, it's my life.
아빠, 이건 제 인생이에요.
Well maybe I'll just stay here with Monica.
아마 여기서 모니카하고 지내게 될 것 같아요.
Well, I guess we've established who's staying here with Monica...
여기서 모니카랑 지낼 애가 누군지 알겠지?
Well, maybe that's my decision.
글쎄요, 그건 제가 결정한 거에요.
Well, maybe I don't need your money.
'어쩌면' 아빠한테 더 이상 돈 달라고 안할지도 몰라요.
Wait!! Wait, I said maybe!!
아빠, 잠깐만요. '어쩌면'이라니깐요!!
Just breathe, breathe.. that's it.
Just try to think of nice calm things...
그냥, 숨 쉬고, 들여 마시고...
그냥 다른 좋은 일들을 생각해 봐
Raindrops on roses
장미꽃 위에 떨어지는 빗방울들..
and rabbits and kittens,
토끼와 새끼 고양이들..
bluebells and sleighbells and- something with mittens...
파란종과 썰매종.. 그리고.. 털장갑.
La la la la... something and noodles with string. These are a few...
랄랄라...
I'm all better now.
훨씬 좋아 졌어
I helped!
나 땜에 좋아졌대!
Okay, look, this is probably for the best, y'know?
좋아, 한 번 보자. 이게 제일 좋은 방법이야,
Independence. Taking control of your life.
'독립'. 네 인생을 스스로 콘트롤하는 거야.
The whole, 'hat' thing.
이제 드디어 '모자'가 되는거지
And hey, you need anything, you can always come to Joey.
필요한게 있으면 언제든 조이를 찾으라구.
Me and Chandler live across the hall.
나랑 챈들러는 저 건너편에 살아
And he's away a lot.
근데 챈들러는 집에 별루 안 붙어 있어.
Joey, stop hitting on her! It's her wedding day!
조이, 그만 놀려대! 오늘 결혼식 날이었잖아!
What, like there's a rule or something?
그런 날엔 뭐 규칙 같은거라도 있나?
(The door buzzer sounds and Chandler gets it.)
Please don't do that again, it's a horrible sound.
제발 다시 누르지 마세요, 끔찍한 소리가 나는군요.
It's, uh, it's Paul.
아, 전 폴입니다.
Oh God, is it 6:30? Buzz him in!
세상에, 지금 6시 반이니? 문 열어 줘!
Who's Paul?
Paul the Wine Guy, Paul?
폴은 누구래?
폴? 와인가이 폴?
Maybe.
Wait. Your 'not a real date' tonight is with Paul the Wine Guy?
잠깐. 네가 '진짜 데이트가 아닌' 오늘밤의
계획이 와인 가이 폴이었단 말야?
He finally asked you out?
Yes!
결국 그가 데이트 신청했구나?
응
Ooh, this is a Dear Diary moment.
이야. 기록해 둬야 할 순간인데!.
Rach, wait, I can cancel...
레이첼, 취소할 수도 있어
Please, no, go, that'd be fine!
아냐, 어서 가. 난 괜찮아
Are, are you okay? I mean, do you want me to stay?
괜찮겠어? 내 말은...그냥 내가 집에 있을까?
That'd be good...
그럼 좋지
Really?
No, go on! It's Paul the Wine Guy!
진짜야?
무슨 소리야! 어서 가. 와인가이 폴이잖아!
What does that mean? Does he sell it,
drink it, or just complain a lot?
뭔 소린지 알 수가 없네. 와인을 판대는거야?
아님 마신대? 맛 없다고 투털대는 사람이야?
Hi, come in! Paul, this is..
안녕, 들어와. 폴 여긴...
... everybody, everybody, this is Paul.
내 친구들, 얘들아 여긴 폴이야
Hey! Paul! Hi! The Wine Guy! Hey!
안녕! 와인가이, 폴!
I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name. Paul, was it?
죄송합니다만 이름을 잘 못들었는데. 폴 맞나요?
Okay, umm-umm, I'll just--I'll be right back, I just gotta go ah, go ah...
나 금방 돌아올께. 나 지금 어...
A wandering?
헤매러 간다구?
Change! Okay, sit down. Two seconds.
옷 갈아 입으러! 앉아서 기다려. 금방 올꺼야.
Ooh, I just pulled out four eyelashes. That can't be good.
눈썹이 네개나 빠졌어. 별로 안 좋은 징조야.
(Monica goes to change.)
Hey, Paul! / Yeah?
폴!
Here's a little tip, she really likes it when you rub her neck in the same spot
정보를 하나 드리죠. 모니카는 자기 목의 한 부분을 집중적으로
over and over and over again until it starts to get a little red.
계속 문질러서 빨갛게 부풀게 해주면 아주 좋아할 거에요
Shut up, Joey!
시끄러, 조이!
So Rachel, what're you, uh... what're you up to tonight?
레이첼, 오늘밤 무슨 계획이라도 있니?
Well, I was kinda supposed to be headed for Aruba on my honeymoon, so nothing!
원랜 아루바로 신혼여행을 갈 생각이었는데, 다 틀린거 같네
Right, you're not even getting your honeymoon, God..
맞어, 넌 신혼여행도 못 갔지...
No, no, although, Aruba, this time of year... talk about your-
아니, 그러니까 아루바도 올해 쯤엔...
-big lizards...
커다란 도마뱀 밖엔 없을꺼야
Anyway, if you don't feel like being alone tonight,
아무튼, 오늘 밤 혼자 있기 싫으면,
Joey and Chandler are coming over to help me put together my new furniture.
조이하고 챈들러가 내 새 가구 들여 놓는 걸
도와주러 올거니까 너도..
Yes, and we're very excited about it.
도와주고 싶어 죽을 지경이지
Well actually thanks, but I think I'm just gonna hang out here tonight.
It's been kinda a long day.
정말 고마운데, 오늘은 그냥 혼자 있을래.
오늘은 하루가 참 길다.
Okay, sure.
그래 그럼
Hey Pheebs, you wanna help?
피비, 너도 같이 갈래?
Oh, I wish I could, but I don't want to.
그랬으면 좋겠는데, 싫어
[ Scene: The Subway, Phoebe is singing for change.]
Love is sweet as summer showers,
사랑은 여름날의 소나기같이 달콤한 것,
love is a wondrous work of art,
사랑은 놀라운 예술 작품,
but your love oh your love,
그러나 당신의 사랑은, 오 당신의 사랑은,
but your love oh your love,
당신의 사랑은...거대한 비둘기 같아요
your love...
마치 내 마음에 똥싸놓는
La-la-la-la-la- Thank you.
랄라라라...고맙습니다.
La-la-la-la...ohhh!
라라라... 오오!
[ Scene: Ross's Apartment, the guys are there assembling furniture.]
(squatting and reading the instructions) I'm supposed to attach a brackety thing to the side things, using a bunch of these little worm guys.
내 생각엔 받침대가 책꽂이 옆에 붙어야 할 거 같은데
I have no brackety thing, I see no whim guys whatsoever and-
난 받침대도 없고 나사고 뭐고 아무것도 없어
I cannot feel my legs.
그리고 다리에 감각도 없어!
(Joey and Chandler are finishing assembling the bookcase.)
I'm thinking we've got a bookcase here.
It's a beautiful thing.
책꽂이가 거의 완성된 거 같지?
그래, 아주 멋진데
What's this?
이건 뭐지?
I would have to say that is an 'L'-shaped bracket.
이건 'L'자형 받침대 같아 보이지?
Which goes where?
I have no idea.
어따 쓰는거라니?
알리가 있니
Done with the bookcase! / All finished!
책꽂이 다 만들었다!
This was Carol's favorite beer.
이건 캐롤이 제일 좋아하던 맥주야.
She always drank it out of the can, I should have known.
매번 원샷에 끝냈는데... 그걸 몰랐다니...
Hey-hey-hey-hey,
야 야 야!
if you're gonna start with that stuff we're outta here.
너 또 징징대기 시작하면 우린 나가버린다.
Yes, please don't spoil all this fun.
그래, 지금 분위기 좋잖니
Ross, let me ask you a question.
내 뭐 하나 물어보지.
She got the furniture, the stereo, the good TV-
그녀는 나가면서 가구며, 스테레오며,
what did you get?
좋은 티비까지 다 챙겼는데,
what did you get?
넌 뭘 가졌냐?
You guys.
Oh, God.
느네들
맙소사
You got screwed.
Oh my God!
단단히 꼬였군
이런 세상에!
[ Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Paul are eating.]
Oh my God!
세상에!
I know, I know, I'm such an idiot.
나도 알아. 내가 바보였지
I guess I should have caught on when she started going to the dentist four and five times a week.
아내가 일주일에 네 다섯 번씩 치과에
들락거릴 때부터 눈치챘어야 했다구
I mean, how clean can teeth get?
이가 남아나지 않았을텐데 말야
My brother's going through that right now, he's such a mess.
우리 오빠도 지금 그런 상황인데, 엉망진창이지
How did you get through it?
넌 어떻게 버텼니?
Well, you might try accidentally breaking something valuable of hers,
글쎄, 그녀의 가장 소중한 뭔가를 부러뜨린다든지,
say her...
...leg?
그러니까 그녀의...
다리를?
That's one way! Me, I-
것도 좋은 방법이네.
I went for the watch.
난 시계를 부숴뜨렸어
You actually broke her watch?
그랬니?
Wow! The worst thing I ever did was, I-
내가 했던 최악의 방법은,
I shredded by boyfriend's favorite bath towel.
남자친구가 제일 아끼던 수건을
갈기갈기 찢어 놨었어
Ooh, steer clear of you.
That's right.
그 남자 도망 갔지?
그럼
[ Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is talking on the phone and pacing.]
Barry, I'm sorry... I am so sorry...
배리, 미안해.. 정말 미안해..
I know you probably think that this is all about what I said the other day about you making love
넌 이 모든게 전에 우리가 사랑을 나눌 때
with your socks on,
네가 양말을 신고 있었던 것
때문이라고 생각하겠지만,
but it isn't... it isn't, it's about me, and I ju-
그게 아냐. 순전히 나 때문이야. 난 그냥...
(She stops talking and dials the phone.)
Hi, machine cut me off again...
안녕, 전화가 또 끊어졌나봐
anyway...look, look,
어쨌거나..있지,
I know that some girl is going to be incredibly lucky
어떤 여자가 정말 믿을 수 없을 만큼 운좋게
to become Mrs. Barry Finkel,
배리 핑클의 부인이 될 거라는 건 알지만
but it isn't me, it's not me.
난 아냐.. 난 아니라구
And not that I have any idea who me is right now,
아니, 내가 누구라는 걸 모른다는 게 아니라
but you just have to give me a chance too...
나에게도 기회를 달라는... (The maching cuts her off again and she redials.)
[ Scene: Ross's Apartment; Ross is pacing while Joey and Chandler are working on some more furniture.]
I'm divorced!
난 이혼당했어!
I'm only 26 and I'm divorced!
겨우 스물 여섯인데, 난 이혼당했다구!
Shut up!
그만 좀 해라!
You must stop!
(Chandler hits what he is working on with a hammer and it collapses.)
That only took me an hour.
한 시간 밖에 안 걸렸는데 뭐.
Look, Ross, you gotta understand, between us we haven't had a relationship that has lasted longer than a Mento.
로스, 너가 좀 이해해야할 건 말이야
우린 너 처럼 그렇게 오랫 동안 관계를
유지해 본 적이 없어.
You, however have had the love of a woman for four years.
근데 넌 그 여잘 4년 동안 사랑했잖아
Four years of closeness and sharing at the end of which she ripped your heart out,
4년간의 친밀감과 너의 마음을
갈갈이 찢어 놓은 이별,
and that is why we don't do it!
그래서 우린 이러면 안되는 거야!
I don't think that was my point!
물론 이게 핵심은 아냐
You know what the scariest part is?
제일 끔찍한게 뭔지 아니?
세상 모두에게 한 여자만 존재한다면?
I mean what if you get one woman- and that's it?
그러니까 너에게도 일생동안 한 여자만 존재한다면?
Unfortunately in my case, there was only one woman- for her...
불행하게도 난 그랬어. 그녀만...
What are you talking about? 'One woman'?
먼 소릴 하는거야? 한 여자?
That's like saying there's only one flavor of ice cream for you
아이스크림에도 한가지 맛 밖에 없디?
Lemme tell you something, Ross.
내 얘길 좀 들어 봐, 로스
There's lots of flavors out there.
아이스크림은 여러가지 맛이 있어
There's Rocky Road, and Cookie Dough, and Bing! Cherry Vanilla.
로키로드, 쿠키도우, 그리고 체리, 바닐라도 있다구
You could get 'em with Jimmies, or nuts, or whipped cream!
너는 거기다 별사탕, 땅콩, 휩크림 같은 걸
덤으로 얹어 먹을 수도 있어
This is the best thing that ever happened to you!
이건 너에게 일어난 가장 행복한 일이라구!
You got married, you were, like, what, eight?
마치. 그러니까 8번이나
결혼을 하는 거나 마찬가지잖아
Welcome back to the world! Grab a spoon!
다시 돌아온 걸 환영한다! 자, 스푼을 들지!
I honestly don't know if I'm hungry or horny.
솔직히 식욕이 있는 건지
성욕이 있는 건지 모르겠다
Stay out of my freezer!
내 냉장고에서 비켜!
[ Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Paul are still eating.]
Ever since she walked out on me, I, uh...
그녀가 날 떠난 이후론...
What?..... What, you wanna spell it out with noodles?
뭐야, 스파게티한테 주문이라도 걸게?
No, it's, it's more of a fifth date kinda revelation.
아니, 그러니까 그게...말하자면
오늘은 5번째 데이트 이상의 뭔가가 있어.
Oh, so there is gonna be a fifth date?
그래서 다섯번째 데이트를 하는거야?
Isn't there?
아냐?
Yeah... yeah, I think there is.
아니,.. 그래, 나도 그렇다고 생각해.
-What were you gonna say?
근데 무슨 말이 하고 싶은거야?
Well, ever- ev- ...
그러니까..
ever since she left me,
그녀가 날 떠난 후 부터는..
um, I haven't been able to, uh, perform.
어.. 난.. 할 수가 없었어.
...Sexually.
섹스를...
Oh God, oh God, I am sorry... I am so sorry...
It's okay...
세상에, 맙소사, 미안...
괜찮아..
I know being spit on is probably not what you need right now.
네가 지금 바라는게 이건 아니겠지.
Um... how long?
Two years.
음... 얼마나 오래?
2년.
Wow! I'm-I'm-I'm glad you smashed her watch!
난, 난... 그여자 시계를 박살낸게
차라리 속시원구나!
So you still think you, um... might want that fifth date?
그러니까, 이 다섯 번째 데이트를 지속했으면 좋겠니?
...Yeah. Yeah, I do.
그래, 좋아
[ Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is watching Joanne Loves Chaci.]
Priest on TV: We are gathered here today to join Joanne Louise Cunningham and Charles,
여기 우리는 오늘 조앤 루이스 커닝햄과 찰스,
Chachi-Chachi-Chachi, Arcola in the bound of holy matrimony.
채치-채치-채치-의 성스러운 결혼식에
함께 하기 위해 모여 있습니다
Oh...see... but Joanne loved Chachi!
저 봐. 하지만 조앤은 채치를 사랑했다구!
That's the difference!
그게 차이점이야!
[ Scene: Ross's Apartment, they're all sitting around and talking.]
Grab a spoon.
스푼을 잡으라구.
Do you know how long it's been
since I've grabbed a spoon?
내가 스푼을 잡고 있는게
얼마나 오래 되었는지 모르냐?
Do the words 'Billy, don't be a hero'
mean anything to you?
"빌리, 영웅이 되지 마세요."
이 말이 무슨 뜻인지 모르겠냐?
Great story!
멋진 얘기지!
But, I uh, I gotta go,
그러나, 어, 난 가봐야겠어,
I got a date with Andrea--Angela--Andrea... Oh man,
나 데이트가 있거든.
안드레아, 안젤라, 안드레아
Angela's the screamer, Andrea has cats.
안젤라는 소리를 신음소릴 잘 내고
안드레아는 고양이를 키우지
Right. Thanks. It's June. I'm outta here.
좋아, 고마워. 벌써 6월이잖니? 난 이제 나가봐야 겠다
Y'know, here's the thing.
문제는 뭐냐면 말이지.
Even if I could get it together enough to- to ask a woman out,...
만약 내가 어떤 여자에게
데이트를 신청할 만큼 수습이 되었다쳐도
who am I gonna ask?
누구한테 신청을 해야 되지?
(He gazes out of the window.)
[ Cut to Rachel staring out of her window.]
[ Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is making coffee for Joey and Chandler.]
Isn't this amazing? I mean, I have never made coffee before in my entire life.
놀랍지 않니? 내 손으로 커피 타 보긴 오늘이 처음이야
- That is amazing.
- Congratulations.
- 놀라 자빠지겠다.
- 축하해
Y'know, I figure if I can make coffee, there isn't anything I can't do.
너도 알다시피, 내가 커피도 탈 수 있는데
다른 건 뭘 못하겠니.
If can invade Poland, there isn't anything I can't do.
내가 만약 폴란드를 침공할 수만 있다면
내가 못 할건 또 뭐 있겠니?
Listen, while you're on a roll, if you feel like you gotta make like a Western omelet or something...
레이첼, 기왕 하는김에 웨스턴 오믈렛이나
다른 걸 만들어 보지 그래?
(Joey and Chandler taste the coffee, grimace, and pour it into a plant pot.)
Although actually I'm really not that hungry...
아, 그러고 보니 배가 별로 안 고프네
Oh good, Lenny and Squigy are here.
오 세상에, 온갖 떠벌이들이 다 여기 있잖아
Morning. Good morning.
잘 잤니?
Morning.
Morning, Paul.
잘 들 잤나요?
폴, 당신도 잘 잤수?
Hello, Paul.
Hi, Paul, is it?
안녕 폴
저거 폴 아냐?.
(Monica and Paul walk to the door and talk in a low voice so the others can't hear. The others move Monica's table closer to the door so that they can.)
Thank you! Thank you so much!
Stop!
고마워, 정말 고마워!
그만해
No, I'm telling you last night was like umm,
아냐, 어젯밤은 마치...
all my birthdays, both graduations,
내 생일, 내 졸업식,
plus the barn raising scene in Witness.
게다가 '위트니스'의 마굿간 신 같았다구
We'll talk later.
나중에 다시 얘기하자
Yeah. (They kiss) Thank you. (Exits)
그래, 고마워
That wasn't a real date?!
저게 진짜 데이트가 아니라구?
What the hell do you do on a real date?
그럼 진짜 데이트는 대체 뭐라냐?
Shut up, and put my table back.
Okayyy!
됐네, 내 테이블이나 제자리에 옮겨 줘
알았어
All right, kids, I gotta get to work.
If I don't input those numbers,...
그래, 얘들아, 난 일하러 가야겠다.
내가 이 숫자들을 쳐넣지 않으면...
it doesn't make much of a difference...
하긴 뭐 그래도 별 문젠 없다만...
So, like, you guys all have jobs?
너흰 모두 직업이 있는거야?
Yeah, we all have jobs.
그럼 우리 모두 다 직업이 있지
See, that's how we buy stuff.
안 그럼 이걸 다 무슨 돈으로 샀겠니?
Yeah, I'm an actor.
난 배우야.
Wow! Would I have seen you in anything?
와, 내가 어디선가 본 적이 있을까?
I doubt it. Mostly regional work.
아닐껄. 지역방송이라
Oh wait, wait, unless you happened to catch the Reruns' production of Pinocchio,
at the little theater in the park.
잠깐, 공원 근처의 작은 극장의
피노키오에 나왔었던 거 있잖아
Look, it was a job all right?
야, 그건 그냥 일이었다구
'Look, Gippetto, I'm a real live boy.'
'제페뜨 아저씨, 전 진짜 살아있는 소년이예요'
- I will not take this abuse.
- You're right, I'm sorry.
- 내가 이런 조롱을 당할 이유가 없지?
- 네 말이 맞다. 미안
"Once I was a wooden boy, a little wooden boy..."
"내가 목각인형이었을 때, 작은 목각인형..."
You should both know, that he's a dead man.
너네 그거 아니? 쟨 인제 죽었어.
Oh, Chandler?
챈들러?
So how you doing today?
그래, 오늘은 좀 어때?
Did you sleep okay? Talk to Barry?
잠은 잘 잤니? 배리랑 얘기는 해 봤어?
I can't stop smiling.
왜 자꾸 웃음이 나오지?
I can see that. You look like you slept with a hanger in your mouth.
그래. 입이 아주 귀에 걸렸다.
I know, he's just so, so...
나도 알아, 근데 그는 아주...
Do you remember you and Tony DeMarco?
너 토니 드마코랑 너랑...그거 기억 나니??
Oh, yeah.
그럼, 물론이지
Well, it's like that. With feelings.
딱 그 때 그 느낌이야.
Oh wow. Are you in trouble.
Big time!
무슨 문제 있니?
굉장했어!
Want a wedding dress? Hardly used.
웨딩드레스 빌려줄까? 거의 새거야
I think we are getting a little ahead of selves here.
그만 하자.
Okay. Okay. I am just going to get up, go to work
좋아. 난 이제 일어나 일하러 가서
and not think about him all day.
하루종일 그에 대한 생각은 하지 않을께.
Or else I'm just gonna get up and go to work.
아님 그냥 일어나서 일하러 가던지.
Oh, look, wish me luck!
What for?
아, 잠깐, 행운을 빌어줘!
뭘 위해서?
I'm gonna go get one of those job things.
나도 오늘 그 직업이란걸 찾아볼까 해.
(Monica exits.)
[ Scene: Iridium, Monica is working as Frannie enters.]
Hey, Monica!
안녕 모니카!
Hey Frannie, welcome back! How was Florida?
프라니, 안녕. 플로리다는 어땠어?
You had sex, didn't you?
너 섹스했구나?
How do you do that?
그걸 어떻게 알지?
Oh, I hate you, I'm pushing my Aunt Roz through Parrot Jungle and you're having sex!
아, 미워 죽겠어. 그냥 로즈 숙모를 재촉해서
Oh, I hate you, I'm pushing my Aunt Roz through Parrot Jungle and you're having sex!
앵무새 숲이나 다녔는데...너 섹스를 했다?
So? Who?
어땠어? 누구랑?
You know Paul?
폴을 아니?
Paul the Wine Guy?
와인가이 폴?
Oh yeah, I know Paul.
그럼, 알지.
You mean you know Paul like I know Paul?
내가 폴을 아는만큼 너도 폴을 아냐구?
Are you kidding?
장난하는거야?
I take credit for Paul.
내가 폴한테 신념을 주었다는 거 아니니.
Y'know before me, there was no snap in his turtle for two years.
나랑 하기 전까진 폴의 거시긴
2년동안 쉬고 있었다구
[ Scene: Central Perk, everyone but Rachel is there.]
Of course it was a line!
물론 거짓말이지!
Why?! Why? Why, why would anybody do something like that?
왜?! 왜? 왜, 왜 모두 나한테 그러는 거야?
I assume we're looking for an answer more sophisticated
그러니까 그게 좀 더 세련되 보이잖아?
than 'to get you into bed'
'침대로 가지'라고 하는거 보다
I hate men! I hate men!
난 남자가 싫어! 미워!
Oh no, don't hate, you don't want to put that out into the universe.
안돼. 미워하지마. 증오을 우주에 퍼뜨려선 안돼.
Is it me?
내가 그래?
Is it like I have some sort of beacon that only dogs and men with severe emotional problems can hear?
내가 개나 사람이나 잔인한 감정적 문제가
있는 것들을 상대해야 되는 그런 류냐구.
All right, c'mere, gimme your feet.
됐어. 발이나 내 봐
I just thought he was nice, y'know?
난 그가 정말 괜찮은 사람이라고 생각했어.
I can't believe you didn't know it was a line!
어떻게 그딴 구라를 믿었다냐!
(Monica pushes him off of the sofa as Rachel enters with a shopping bag.)
- Guess what?
- You got a job?
- 뭔지 맞춰봐!
- 일거릴 찾았니?
Are you kidding? I'm trained for nothing!
농담해? 여태 내가 준비한게 뭐 있다구!
I was laughed out of twelve interviews today.
12번이나 면접에서 웃음거리만 됐어.
And yet you're surprisingly upbeat.
그런데도 아직 놀랍도록 씩씩한데.
You would be too if you found John and David boots on sale, fifty percent off!
너도 존 앤 데이빗 부츠가 50%나
세일하는 걸 봤으면 그럴 껄
Oh, how well you know me...
오, 어떻게 나를 그렇게 잘 알지?
They're my new 'I don't need a job, I don't need my parents, I've got great boots' boots!
이게 바로 나의 그 '일도 필요 없어 부모도 필요 없어
난 멋진 새부츠가 있어'표 부츠야!
How'd you pay for them?
무슨 돈으로 샀니?
Uh, credit card.
어, 카드로 긁었지.
And who pays for that?
대금은 누가 지불하는데?
Um... my... father.
음...우리 아빠가.
[ Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is sitting around the kitchen table. Rachel's credit cards are spread out on the table along with a pair of scissors.]
Oh God, come on you guys, is this really necessary? I mean, I can stop charging anytime I want.
세상에, 얘들아 꼭 이래야 되니?
내가 원할 때 짤라버릴께.
C'mon, you can't live off your parents your whole life.
빨리, 그렇게 해선 넌 일생동안
너의 아빨 벗어 날 수 없어.
I know that. That's why I was getting married.
알아, 그러니깐 결혼할려구 그랬지.
Give her a break, it's hard being on your own for the first time.
조금 기다려 줘. 레이첼이 뭔가 처음으로
스스로 하려하니 어렵지 않겠니.
Thank you.
고마워.
You're welcome. I remember when I first came to this city.
별 말씀을. 나도 처음 이 도시에 왔던 때가 생각난다
I was fourteen. My mom had just killed herself and my step-dad was back in prison,
난 열네 살이었어. 엄만 자살하신 직후였고
새아버지는 다시 교도소로 들어갔지
and I got here, and I didn't know anybody.
여기 왔어도 아는 사람은 아무도 없었어
And I ended up living with this albino guy who was, like, cleaning windshields outside port authority, and then he killed himself,
그리고 난 항만청 창틀이나 닦던
알비노 남자와 살게 되었지만 그도 자살했지
and then I found aromatherapy. So believe me, I know exactly how you feel.
그 후 방향 치료법을 익히게 되었어.
그러니 날 믿어. 네 기분이 어떤지 잘 안다구
The word you're looking for is
지금 하고 싶은 말이...
'Anyway'...
'어쨌거나'지?
All right, you ready?
좋아, 준비 됐어?
No. No, no, I'm not ready! How can I be ready?
아니 난 아직 준비가 안 됐어.
내가 어떻게 준비가 되니?
"Hey, Rach! You ready to jump out the airplane without your parachute?"
"이봐 레이츠, 너 낙하산 없이
뛰어 내릴 준비 됐니?" 하는 거잖아.
Come on, I can't do this!
얘들아. 난 못해
- You can, I know you can!
- I don't think so.
- 할 수 있어. 난 알아
- 난 못해
Come on, you made coffee! You can do anything!
힘 내, 넌 커피도 만들었잖아!
뭐든 할 수 있다구!
C'mon, cut. Cut, cut, cut,..
힘 내! 짤라버려, 짤라버려...
?
저기,
I think we can just leave it at that.
하나는 남겨둬도 될 것 같지 않니?,
It's kinda like a symbolic gesture...
그냥 상징으로..
It's kinda like a symbolic gesture...
레이첼, 그건 도서관 대출 카드로 족해!
Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut..
잘라, 잘라, 잘라,...
Y'know, if you listen closely, you can hear a thousand retailers scream.
잘 들으면 수천개의 가게 주인들이 지르는
비명소릴 들을 수 있어
Welcome to the real world!
진짜 세상에 온 걸 환영해!
It sucks. You're gonna love it!
죽이거든. 너도 좋아하게 될거야!
[ Time Lapse, Rachel and Ross are watching a TV channel finishes it's broadcast day by playing the national anthem.]
Well, that's it
이제 끝났는데
You gonna crash on the couch?
그 의자에 계속 쳐박혀 있을꺼야?
No. No, I gotta go home sometime.
아니. 언젠간 집에 가야지.
- You be okay?
- Yeah.
- 괜찮아?
- 그래.
Hey Mon, look what I just found on the floor.
모니카. 내가 마루에서 뭘 발견했는데...
What?
뭐지?
That's Paul's watch.
폴의 시계야.
You just put it back where you found it. Oh boy
원래 있던 자리에 도로 놔 줄래?.
- Alright. Goodnight, everybody.
- Goodnight.
- 좋아, 다들 잘 자
- 잘 자
Mmm.
음...
Sorry- /- No no no, go-
No, you have it, really, I don't want it-
- 어, 미안
- 아냐. 난 별로야. 너 먹어
- Split it?
- Okay.
- 반으로 쪼갤까?
- 그러지 뭐.
Okay. You know you probably didn't know this, but back in high school, I had a, um,
넌 몰랐겠지만, 고등학교 때...
major crush on you.
널 좋아했었어
I knew.
알고 있었어.
You did! Oh....
어..그랬니?
난 네가 날 그냥 모니카의 띨띨한 오빠라고
생각하는 줄 알았는데
I did.
그것도 그랬어
Oh. Listen, do you think- and try not to let my intense vulnerability become any kind of a factor here-
저기, 만약에... 그러니까 내 취약점을 고려하지 말고
but do you think it would be okay if I asked you out? Sometime? Maybe?
내가 너한테 같이 놀러 가자고 하면, 그래 줄래?
그러니까, 언젠가, 이 다음에 시간 나면 말야
Yeah, maybe...
그래
Yeah, maybe...
어쩌면...
Okay... okay, maybe I will...
그래
Okay... okay, maybe I will...
좋아, 나도 어쩌면
- Goodnight.
- Goodnight.
- 잘 자
- 잘 자
See ya....
잘 가
Waitwait, what's with you?
잠깐, 뭐 들고 가는거야?
I just grabbed a spoon.
스푼.
[ Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there.]
I can't believe what I'm hearing here.
내가 들은게 무슨 소리야...
What? I-I said you had a-
What I said you had...
뭐? 난 네가...
뭐? 난 네가...
Would you stop?
그만 할 순 없니?
Oh, was I doing it again?
Yes!
어머, 내가 또 그랬니?
그래!
I said that you had a nice butt,
난 니 엉덩이가 그냥 괜찮다고 했지,
it's just not a great butt.
끝내준다고는 하지 않았어.
Oh, you wouldn't know a great butt if it came up and bit ya.
오, 굉장한 엉덩이를 보게 되어도 넌 모를 걸
There's an image.
혹시 사진 같은 건 없냐?.
Would anybody like more coffee?
누구 커피 더 필요한 사람?
Did you make it, or are you just serving it?
네가 만들었니, 아님 그냥 서빙만 하는 거니?
I'm just serving it.
Yeah. Yeah, I'll have a cup of coffee.
그냥 서빙만 하는거야
그래, 그럼 나 한 잔 더 줘
Kids, new dream...
I'm in Las Vegas.
얘들아, 새로운 꿈을 꿨어
내가 라스베가스에 있는거야
Ahh, miss? More coffee?
아가씨, 커피 좀 줘요
Ugh. Excuse me, could you give this to that guy over there?
죄송한데요, 이 것 좀 저 사람들한테 전해 줄래요?
Go ahead
어서요
Thank you.
고마워요
Sorry. Okay, Las Vegas.
미안 그래, 라스베가스
Okay, so, I'm in Las Vegas... I'm Liza Minelli-
좋아, 그래서, 내가 라스 베가스에 있었는데... 난 라이자 미넬리였어(챈들러가 게이같다는 것)
End
101. The One Where Monica Gets a New Roommate
[ Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are there.]
Monica: There's nothing to tell! He's just some guy I work with!
Joey: C'mon, you're going out with the guy! There's gotta be something wrong with him!
Chandler: All right Joey, be nice. So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece?
Phoebe: Wait, does he eat chalk?
(They all stare, bemused.)
Phoebe: Just, 'cause, I don't want her to go through what I went through with Carl- oh!
Monica: Okay, everybody relax. This is not even a date. It's just two people going out to dinner and- not
having sex.
Chandler: Sounds like a date to me.
[ Time Lapse]
Chandler: Alright, so I'm back in high school, I'm standing in the middle of the cafeteria, and I realize I am
totally naked.
All: Oh, yeah. Had that dream.
Chandler: Then I look down, and I realize there's a phone... there.
Joey: Instead of...?
Chandler: That's right.
Joey: Never had that dream.
Phoebe: No.
Chandler: All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring. Now I don't know what to do, everybody starts looking
at me.
Monica: And they weren't looking at you before?!
Chandler: Finally, I figure I'd better answer it, and it turns out it's my mother, which is very- very weird,
because- she never calls me!
[ Time Lapse, Ross has entered.]
Ross: (mortified) Hi.
Joey: This guy says hello, I wanna kill myself.
Monica: Are you okay, sweetie?
Ross: I just feel like someone reached down my throat, grabbed my small intestine, pulled it out of my
mouth and tied it around my neck...
Chandler: Cookie?
Monica: (explaining to the others) Carol moved her stuff out today.
Joey: Ohh.
Monica: (to Ross) Let me get you some coffee.
Ross: Thanks.
Phoebe: Ooh! Oh! (She starts to pluck at the air just in front of Ross.)
Ross: No, no don't! Stop cleansing my aura! No, just leave my aura alone, okay?
Phoebe: Fine! Be murky!
Ross: I'll be fine, alright? Really, everyone. I hope she'll be very happy.
Monica: No you don't.
Ross: No I don't, to hell with her, she left me!
Joey: And you never knew she was a lesbian...
Ross: No!! Okay?! Why does everyone keep fixating on that? She didn't know, how should I know?
Chandler: Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian... (They all stare at him.) Did I say that out loud?
Ross: I told mom and dad last night, they seemed to take it pretty well.
Monica: Oh really, so that hysterical phone call I got from a woman at sobbing 3:00 A.M., "I'll never have
grandchildren, I'll never have grandchildren." was what? A wrong number?
Ross: Sorry.
Joey: Alright Ross, look. You're feeling a lot of pain right now. You're angry. You're hurting. Can I tell you
what the answer is?
(Ross gestures his consent.)
Joey: Strip joint! C'mon, you're single! Have some hormones!
Ross: I don't want to be single, okay? I just... I just- I just wanna be married again!
(Rachel enters in a wet wedding dress and starts to search the room.)
Chandler: And I just want a million dollars! (He extends his hand hopefully.)
Monica: Rachel?!
Rachel: Oh God Monica hi! Thank God! I just went to your building and you weren't there and then this guy
with a big hammer said you might be here and you are, you are!
Waitress: Can I get you some coffee?
Monica: (pointing at Rachel) De- caff. (to All) Okay, everybody, this is Rachel, another Lincoln High
survivor. (to Rachel) This is everybody, this is Chandler, and Phoebe, and Joey, and- you remember my
brother Ross?
Rachel: Hi, sure!
Ross: Hi.
(They go to hug but Ross's umbrella opens. He sits back down defeated again. A moment of silence
follows as Rachel sits and the others expect her to explain.)
Monica: So you wanna tell us now, or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids?
Rachel: Oh God... well, it started about a half hour before the wedding. I was in the room where we were
keeping all the presents, and I was looking at this gravy boat. This really gorgeous Lamauge gravy boat.
When all of a sudden- (to the waitress that brought her coffee)Sweet 'n' Lo?- I realized that I was more
turned on by this gravy boat than by Barry! And then I got really freaked out, and that's when it hit me: how
much Barry looks like Mr. Potato Head. Y'know, I mean, I always knew looked familiar, but... Anyway, I just
had to get out of there, and I started wondering 'Why am I doing this, and who am I doing this for?'. (to
Monica) So anyway I just didn't know where to go, and I know that you and I have kinda drifted apart, but
you're the only person I knew who lived here in the city.
Monica: Who wasn't invited to the wedding.
Rachel: Ooh, I was kinda hoping that wouldn't be an issue... [ Scene: Monica's Apartment, everyone is
there and watching a Spanish Soap on TV and are trying to figure out what is going on.]
Monica: Now I'm guessing that he bought her the big pipe organ, and she's really not happy about it.
Chandler: (imitating the characters) Tuna or egg salad? Decide!
Ross: (in a deep voice) I'll have whatever Christine is having.
Rachel: (on phone) Daddy, I just... I can't marry him! I'm sorry. I just don't love him. Well, it matters to me!
(The scene on TV has changed to show two women, one is holding her hair.)
Phoebe: If I let go of my hair, my head will fall off.
Chandler: (re TV) Ooh, she should not be wearing those pants.
Joey: I say push her down the stairs.
Phoebe, Ross, Chandler, and Joey: Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs! Push her down
the stairs!
(She is pushed down the stairs and everyone cheers.)
Rachel: C'mon Daddy, listen to me! It's like, it's like, all of my life, everyone has always told me, 'You're a
shoe! You're a shoe, you're a shoe, you're a shoe!'. And today I just stopped and I said, 'What if I don't
wanna be a shoe? What if I wanna be a- a purse, y'know? Or a- or a hat! No, I'm not saying I want you to
buy me a hat, I'm saying I am a ha- It's a metaphor, Daddy!
Ross: You can see where he'd have trouble.
Rachel: Look Daddy, it's my life. Well maybe I'll just stay here with Monica.
Monica: Well, I guess we've established who's staying here with Monica...
Rachel: Well, maybe that's my decision. Well, maybe I don't need your money. Wait!! Wait, I said maybe!!
[ Time Lapse, Rachel is breating into a paper bag.]
Monica: Just breathe, breathe.. that's it. Just try to think of nice calm things...
Phoebe: (sings) Raindrops on roses and rabbits and kittens, (Rachel and Monica turn to look at her.)
bluebells and sleighbells and- something with mittens... La la la la...something and noodles with
string. These are a few...
Rachel: I'm all better now.
Phoebe: (grins and walks to the kitchen and says to Chandler and Joey.) I helped!
Monica: Okay, look, this is probably for the best, y'know? Independence. Taking control of your life. The
whole, 'hat' thing.
Joey: (comforting her) And hey, you need anything, you can always come to Joey. Me and Chandler live
across the hall. And he's away a lot.
Monica: Joey, stop hitting on her! It's her wedding day!
Joey: What, like there's a rule or something?
(The door buzzer sounds and Chandler gets it.)
Chandler: Please don't do that again, it's a horrible sound.
Paul: (over the intercom) It's, uh, it's Paul.
Monica: Oh God, is it 6:30? Buzz him in!
Joey: Who's Paul?
Ross: Paul the Wine Guy, Paul?
Monica: Maybe. Joey: Wait. Your 'not a real date' tonight is with Paul the Wine Guy?
Ross: He finally asked you out?
Monica: Yes!
Chandler: Ooh, this is a Dear Diary moment.
Monica: Rach, wait, I can cancel...
Rachel: Please, no, go, that'd be fine!
Monica: (to Ross) Are, are you okay? I mean, do you want me to stay?
Ross: (choked voice) That'd be good...
Monica: (horrified) Really?
Ross: (normal voice) No, go on! It's Paul the Wine Guy!
Phoebe: What does that mean? Does he sell it, drink it, or just complain a lot? (Chandler doesn't know.)
(There's a knock on the door and it's Paul.)
Monica: Hi, come in! Paul, this is.. (They are all lined up next to the door.)... everybody, everybody, this is
Paul.
All: Hey! Paul! Hi! The Wine Guy! Hey!
Chandler: I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name. Paul, was it?
Monica: Okay, umm- umm, I'll just- - I'll be right back, I just gotta go ah, go ah...
Ross: A wandering?
Monica: Change! Okay, sit down. (Shows Paul in) Two seconds.
Phoebe: Ooh, I just pulled out four eyelashes. That can't be good.
(Monica goes to change.)
Joey: Hey, Paul!
Paul: Yeah?
Joey: Here's a little tip, she really likes it when you rub her neck in the same spot over and over and over
again until it starts to get a little red.
Monica: (yelling from the bedroom) Shut up, Joey!
Ross: So Rachel, what're you, uh... what're you up to tonight?
Rachel: Well, I was kinda supposed to be headed for Aruba on my honeymoon, so nothing!
Ross: Right, you're not even getting your honeymoon, God.. No, no, although, Aruba, this time of year...
talk about your- (thinks) - big lizards... Anyway, if you don't feel like being alone tonight, Joey and
Chandler are coming over to help me put together my new furniture.
Chandler: (deadpan) Yes, and we're very excited about it.
Rachel: Well actually thanks, but I think I'm just gonna hang out here tonight. It's been kinda a long day.
Ross: Okay, sure.
Joey: Hey Pheebs, you wanna help?
Phoebe: Oh, I wish I could, but I don't want to.
Commercial Break
[ Scene: The Subway, Phoebe is singing for change.]
Phoebe: (singing) Love is sweet as summer showers, love is a wondrous work of art, but your love oh your
love, your love...is like a giant pigeon...crapping on my heart. La- la- la- la- la- (some guy gives her some
change and to that guy) Thank you. (sings) La- la- la- la...ohhh!
[ Scene: Ross's Apartment, the guys are there assembling furniture.]
Ross: (squatting and reading the instructions) I'm supposed to attach a brackety thing to the side things,
using a bunch of these little worm guys. I have no brackety thing, I see no whim guys whatsoever and- I
cannot feel my legs.
(Joey and Chandler are finishing assembling the bookcase.)
Joey: I'm thinking we've got a bookcase here.
Chandler: It's a beautiful thing.
Joey: (picking up a leftover part) What's this?
Chandler: I would have to say that is an 'L'- shaped bracket.
Joey: Which goes where?
Chandler: I have no idea.
(Joey checks that Ross is not looking and dumps it in a plant.)
Joey: Done with the bookcase!
Chandler: All finished!
Ross: (clutching a beer can and sniffing) This was Carol's favorite beer. She always drank it out of the can,
I should have known.
Joey: Hey- hey- hey- hey, if you're gonna start with that stuff we're outta here.
Chandler: Yes, please don't spoil all this fun.
Joey: Ross, let me ask you a question. She got the furniture, the stereo, the good TV- what did you get?
Ross: You guys.
Chandler: Oh, God.
Joey: You got screwed.
Chandler: Oh my God!
[ Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Paul are eating.]
Monica: Oh my God!
Paul: I know, I know, I'm such an idiot. I guess I should have caught on when she started going to the
dentist four and five times a week. I mean, how clean can teeth get?
Monica: My brother's going through that right now, he's such a mess. How did you get through it?
Paul: Well, you might try accidentally breaking something valuable of hers, say herMonica: - leg?
Paul: (laughing) That's one way! Me, I- I went for the watch.
Monica: You actually broke her watch? Wow! The worst thing I ever did was, I- I shredded by boyfriend's
favorite bath towel.
Paul: Ooh, steer clear of you.
Monica: That's right. [ Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is talking on the phone and pacing.]
Rachel: Barry, I'm sorry... I am so sorry... I know you probably think that this is all about what I said the
other day about you making love with your socks on, but it isn't... it isn't, it's about me, and I ju- (She
stops talking and dials the phone.) Hi, machine cut me off again... anyway...look, look, I know that some
girl is going to be incredibly lucky to become Mrs. Barry Finkel, but it isn't me, it's not me. And not that I
have any idea who me is right now, but you just have to give me a chance too... (The maching cuts her off
again and she redials.)
[ Scene: Ross's Apartment; Ross is pacing while Joey and Chandler are working on some more furniture.]
Ross: I'm divorced! I'm only 26 and I'm divorced!
Joey: Shut up!
Chandler: You must stop! (Chandler hits what he is working on with a hammer and it collapses.)
Ross: That only took me an hour.
Chandler: Look, Ross, you gotta understand, between us we haven't had a relationship that has lasted
longer than a Mento. You, however have had the love of a woman for four years. Four years of
closeness and sharing at the end of which she ripped your heart out, and that is why we don't do it! I
don't think that was my point!
Ross: You know what the scariest part is? What if there's only one woman for everybody, y'know? I mean
what if you get one woman- and that's it? Unfortunately in my case, there was only one woman- for her...
Joey: What are you talking about? 'One woman'? That's like saying there's only one flavor of ice cream for
you. Lemme tell you something, Ross. There's lots of flavors out there. There's Rocky Road, and Cookie
Dough, and Bing! Cherry Vanilla. You could get 'em with Jimmies, or nuts, or whipped cream! This is the
best thing that ever happened to you! You got married, you were, like, what, eight? Welcome back to the
world! Grab a spoon!
Ross: I honestly don't know if I'm hungry or horny.
Chandler: Stay out of my freezer! [ Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Paul are still eating.]
Paul: Ever since she walked out on me, I, uh...
Monica: What?..... What, you wanna spell it out with noodles?
Paul: No, it's, it's more of a fifth date kinda revelation.
Monica: Oh, so there is gonna be a fifth date?
Paul: Isn't there?
Monica: Yeah... yeah, I think there is. - What were you gonna say?
Paul: Well, ever- ev- ... ever since she left me, um, I haven't been able to, uh, perform. (Monica takes a sip
of her drink.) ...Sexually.
Monica: (spitting out her drink in shock) Oh God, oh God, I am sorry... I am so sorry...
Paul: It's okay...
Monica: I know being spit on is probably not what you need right now. Um... how long?
Paul: Two years.
Monica: Wow! I'm- I'm- I'm glad you smashed her watch!
Paul: So you still think you, um... might want that fifth date?
Monica: (pause)...Yeah. Yeah, I do.
[ Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is watching Joanne Loves Chaci.]
Priest on TV: We are gathered here today to join Joanne Louise Cunningham and Charles, Chachi- ChachiChachi, Arcola in the bound of holy matrimony.
Rachel: Oh...see... but Joanne loved Chachi! That's the difference!
[ Scene: Ross's Apartment, they're all sitting around and talking.]
Ross: (scornful) Grab a spoon. Do you know how long it's been since I've grabbed a spoon? Do the words
'Billy, don't be a hero' mean anything to you?
Joey: Great story! But, I uh, I gotta go, I got a date with Andrea- - Angela- - Andrea... Oh man, (looks to
Chandler)
Chandler: Angela's the screamer, Andrea has cats.
Joey: Right. Thanks. It's June. I'm outta here. (Exits.)
Ross: Y'know, here's the thing. Even if I could get it together enough to- to ask a woman out,... who am I
gonna ask? (He gazes out of the window.)
[ Cut to Rachel staring out of her window.]
Commercial Break
[ Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is making coffee for Joey and Chandler.]
Rachel: Isn't this amazing? I mean, I have never made coffee before in my entire life.
Chandler: That is amazing.
Joey: Congratulations.
Rachel: Y'know, I figure if I can make coffee, there isn't anything I can't do.
Chandler: If can invade Poland, there isn't anything I can't do.
Joey: Listen, while you're on a roll, if you feel like you gotta make like a Western omelet or something...
(Joey and Chandler taste the coffee, grimace, and pour it into a plant pot.) Although actually I'm really not
that hungry...
Monica: (entering, to herself) Oh good, Lenny and Squigy are here.
All: Morning. Good morning.
Paul: (entering from Monica's room) Morning.
Joey: Morning, Paul.
Rachel: Hello, Paul.
Chandler: Hi, Paul, is it?
(Monica and Paul walk to the door and talk in a low voice so the others can't hear. The others move
Monica's table closer to the door so that they can.)
Paul: Thank you! Thank you so much!
Monica: Stop!
Paul: No, I'm telling you last night was like umm, all my birthdays, both graduations, plus the barn raising
scene in Witness.
Monica: We'll talk later.
Paul: Yeah. (They kiss) Thank you. (Exits)
Joey: That wasn't a real date?! What the hell do you do on a real date?
Monica: Shut up, and put my table back.
All: Okayyy! (They do so.)
Chandler: All right, kids, I gotta get to work. If I don't input those numbers,... it doesn't make much of a
difference...
Rachel: So, like, you guys all have jobs?
Monica: Yeah, we all have jobs. See, that's how we buy stuff.
Joey: Yeah, I'm an actor.
Rachel: Wow! Would I have seen you in anything?
Joey: I doubt it. Mostly regional work.
Monica: Oh wait, wait, unless you happened to catch the Reruns' production of Pinocchio, at the little
theater in the park.
Joey: Look, it was a job all right?
Chandler: 'Look, Gippetto, I'm a real live boy.'
Joey: I will not take this abuse. (Walks to the door and opens it to leave.)
Chandler: You're right, I'm sorry. (Burst into song and dances out of the door.) "Once I was a wooden boy,
a little wooden boy..."
Joey: You should both know, that he's a dead man. Oh, Chandler? (Starts after Chandler.)
Monica: So how you doing today? Did you sleep okay? Talk to Barry? I can't stop smiling.
Rachel: I can see that. You look like you slept with a hanger in your mouth.
Monica: I know, he's just so, so... Do you remember you and Tony DeMarco?
Rachel: Oh, yeah.
Monica: Well, it's like that. With feelings.
Rachel: Oh wow. Are you in trouble.
Monica: Big time!
Rachel: Want a wedding dress? Hardly used.
Monica: I think we are getting a little ahead of selves here. Okay. Okay. I am just going to get up, go to
work and not think about him all day. Or else I'm just gonna get up and go to work.
Rachel: Oh, look, wish me luck!
Monica: What for?
Rachel: I'm gonna go get one of those (Thinks) job things.
(Monica exits.)
[ Scene: Iridium, Monica is working as Frannie enters.]
Frannie: Hey, Monica!
Monica: Hey Frannie, welcome back! How was Florida?
Frannie: You had sex, didn't you?
Monica: How do you do that?
Frannie: Oh, I hate you, I'm pushing my Aunt Roz through Parrot Jungle and you're having sex! So? Who?
Monica: You know Paul?
Frannie: Paul the Wine Guy? Oh yeah, I know Paul.
Monica: You mean you know Paul like I know Paul?
Frannie: Are you kidding? I take credit for Paul. Y'know before me, there was no snap in his turtle for two
years.
[ Scene: Central Perk, everyone but Rachel is there.]
Joey: (sitting on the arm of the couch)Of course it was a line!
Monica: Why?! Why? Why, why would anybody do something like that?
Ross: I assume we're looking for an answer more sophisticated than 'to get you into bed'.
Monica: I hate men! I hate men!
Phoebe: Oh no, don't hate, you don't want to put that out into the universe.
Monica: Is it me? Is it like I have some sort of beacon that only dogs and men with severe emotional
problems can hear?
Phoebe: All right, c'mere, gimme your feet. (She starts massaging them.)
Monica: I just thought he was nice, y'know?
Joey: (bursts out laughing again) I can't believe you didn't know it was a line!
(Monica pushes him off of the sofa as Rachel enters with a shopping bag.)
Rachel: Guess what?
Ross: You got a job?
Rachel: Are you kidding? I'm trained for nothing! I was laughed out of twelve interviews today.
Chandler: And yet you're surprisingly upbeat.
Rachel: You would be too if you found John and David boots on sale, fifty percent off!
Chandler: Oh, how well you know me...
Rachel: They're my new 'I don't need a job, I don't need my parents, I've got great boots' boots!
Monica: How'd you pay for them?
Rachel: Uh, credit card.
Monica: And who pays for that?
Rachel: Um... my... father.
[ Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is sitting around the kitchen table. Rachel's credit cards are
spread out on the table along with a pair of scissors.]
Rachel: Oh God, come on you guys, is this really necessary? I mean, I can stop charging anytime I want.
Monica: C'mon, you can't live off your parents your whole life.
Rachel: I know that. That's why I was getting married.
Phoebe: Give her a break, it's hard being on your own for the first time.
Rachel: Thank you.
Phoebe: You're welcome. I remember when I first came to this city. I was fourteen. My mom had just killed
herself and my step- dad was back in prison, and I got here, and I didn't know anybody. And I ended up
living with this albino guy who was, like, cleaning windshields outside port authority, and then he killed
himself, and then I found aromatherapy. So believe me, I know exactly how you feel.
(Pause)
Ross: The word you're looking for is 'Anyway'...
Monica: All right, you ready?
Rachel: No. No, no, I'm not ready! How can I be ready? "Hey, Rach! You ready to jump out the
airplane without your parachute?" Come on, I can't do this!
Monica: You can, I know you can!
Rachel: I don't think so.
Ross: Come on, you made coffee! You can do anything! (Chandler slowly tries to hide the now dead
plant from that morning when he and Joey poured their coffee into it.)
Ross: C'mon, cut. Cut, cut, cut,...
All: Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut... (She cuts one of them and they cheer.)
Rachel: Y'know what? I think we can just leave it at that. It's kinda like a symbolic gesture...
Monica: Rachel! That was a library card!
All: Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut..
Chandler: (as Rachel is cutting up her cards) Y'know, if you listen closely, you can hear a thousand
retailers scream.
(She finishes cutting them up and they all cheer.)
Monica: Welcome to the real world! It sucks. You're gonna love it!
[ Time Lapse, Rachel and Ross are watching a TV channel finishes it's broadcast day by playing the
national anthem.]
Monica: Well, that's it (To Ross) You gonna crash on the couch?
Ross: No. No, I gotta go home sometime.
Monica: You be okay?
Ross: Yeah.
Rachel: Hey Mon, look what I just found on the floor. (Monica smiles.) What?
Monica: That's Paul's watch. You just put it back where you found it. Oh boy. Alright. Goodnight,
everybody.
Ross and Rachel: Goodnight.
(Monica stomps on Paul's watch and goes into her room.)
Ross: Mmm. (They both reach for the last cookie) Oh, noRachel: SorryRoss: No no no, goRachel: No, you have it, really, I don't want itRoss: Split it?
Rachel: Okay.
Ross: Okay. (They split it.) You know you probably didn't know this, but back in high school, I had a, um,
major crush on you.
Rachel: I knew.
Ross: You did! Oh.... I always figured you just thought I was Monica's geeky older brother.
Rachel: I did.
Ross: Oh. Listen, do you think- and try not to let my intense vulnerability become any kind of a factor
here- but do you think it would be okay if I asked you out? Sometime? Maybe?
Rachel: Yeah, maybe...
Ross: Okay... okay, maybe I will...
Rachel: Goodnight.
Ross: Goodnight.
(Rachel goes into her room and Monica enters the living room as Ross is leaving.)
Monica: See ya.... Waitwait, what's with you?
Ross: I just grabbed a spoon. (Ross exits and Monica has no idea what that means.)
Closing Credits
[ Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there.]
Joey: I can't believe what I'm hearing here.
Phoebe: (sings) I can't believe what I'm hearing here...
Monica: What? I- I said you had aPhoebe: (sings) What I said you had...
Monica: (to Phoebe) Would you stop?
Phoebe: Oh, was I doing it again?
All: Yes!
Monica: I said that you had a nice butt, it's just not a great butt.
Joey: Oh, you wouldn't know a great butt if it came up and bit ya.
Ross: There's an image.
Rachel: (walks up with a pot of coffee) Would anybody like more coffee?
Chandler: Did you make it, or are you just serving it?
Rachel: I'm just serving it.
All: Yeah. Yeah, I'll have a cup of coffee.
Chandler: Kids, new dream... I'm in Las Vegas. (Rachel sits down to hear Chandler's dream.)
Customer: (To Rachel) Ahh, miss? More coffee?
Rachel: Ugh. (To another customer that's leaving.) Excuse me, could you give this to that guy over there?
(Hands him the coffee pot.) Go ahead. (He does so.) Thank you. (To the gang.) Sorry. Okay, Las Vegas.
Chandler: Okay, so, I'm in Las Vegas... I'm Liza Minelli
End