Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.
A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.
Make it a rule never to give a child a book you would not read yourself.
You see things; you say 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say 'Why not?
If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world: the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.
Those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.
Youth is wasted on the young.
There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart's desire. The other is to gain it.
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
There is no love sincere than the love of food.
People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can't find them, make them.
Never wrestle with pigs. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.
The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.
When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part.
The liar's punishment is, not in the least that he is not believed, but that he cannot believe anyone else.
Why should we take advice on sex from the pope? If he knows anything about it, he shouldn't!
Success does not consist in never making mistakes but in never making the same one a second time.
I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend ... if you have one.
Cannot possibly attend first night; will attend second, if there is one.
A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time. When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment and replied, The one I feed the most.
Patriotism is, fundamentally, a conviction that a particular country is the best in the world because you were born in it.
He knows nothing; and he thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
You use a glass mirror to see your face; you use works of art to see your soul.
A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it.
Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
If you have an apple and I have an apple and we exchange these apples then you and I will still each have one apple. But if you have an idea and I have an idea and we exchange these ideas, then each of us will have two ideas.
After all, the wrong road always leads somewhere.
The play was a great success, but audience was a dismal failure.
A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.
Do not try to live forever. You will not succeed.
You are going to let the fear of poverty govern you life and your reward will be that you will eat, but you will not live.
Home life is no more natural to us than a cage is natural to a cockatoo.
Those who do not know how to live must make a merit of dying.
Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.
The great advantage of a hotel is that it is a refuge from home life.
Miracles, in the sense of phenomena we cannot explain, surround us on every hand: life itself is the miracle of miracles.
here is no love sincerer than the love of food.
It is most unwise for people in love to marry.
The love of economy is the root of all virtue.
A broken heart is a very pleasant complaint for a man in London if he has a comfortable income.
Love is a gross exaggeration of the difference between one person and everybody else.
The perfect love affair is one which is conducted entirely by post.
First love is only a little foolishness and a lot of curiosity.
The fickleness of the women I love is only equalled by the infernal constancy of the women who love me.
Every man over 40 is a scoundrel.
An asylum for the sane would be empty in America.
The man with toothache thinks everyone happy whose teeth are sound. The poverty stricken man makes the same mistake about the rich man.
Better keep yourself clean and bright; you are the window through which you must see the world.
A perpetual holiday is a good working definition of hell.
I'm an atheist and I thank God for it.
The test of a man or woman's breeding is how they behave in a quarrel.
The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it.
When a man wants to murder a tiger he calls it sport; when a tiger wants to murder him he calls it ferocity.
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
He's a man of great common sense and good taste - meaning thereby a man without originality or moral courage.
Democracy is a device that ensures we shall be governed no better than we deserve.
